Month: July 2017



In the Nigerian chapter of Real Mothers of Whatsapp you only join its league of megabyte assassins when you have at least one child away from home. Once you exhibit the admission traits from the age of 40 years you become a real mother of whatsaap. We children overrate our parents’ introduction to social media. Will they be cool? Won’t they monitor our lives we have crafted free of their judgement? Like any group there would be extremists and cool folks. While some women will have difficulty identifying the app, installing or utilising it. Others will just pop up on your feed.

Instant messengers are the new servants of millennias. They deliver parcels of detached care. Whatsapp is Nigeria’s leading servant. Why? Real Mothers of Whatsapp are to thank. Brand loyalty is one of the things you learn as a child from your mother. The same detergent brand, seasoning cube, hospital, church, pasta company, hair stylist for many years or until an unreasonable price change. Real Mothers of Whatsapp will flood you with pictures, videos, broadcast messages, add you to religious groups with or without permission and so on. “It’s annoying” many youths have groaned. The other day I saw a meme on Instagram of a drawn sexual position captioned ‘my mood right now’ on a whatsapp status which was viewed by ‘Mom’. Talk about hilarious. That’s a mother who can utilise whatsapp, not every mom is like that.

One of the reasons I deleted my first whatsapp app was because of numerous broadcast messages from the religious groups my mother added me to. A Real Mother of Whatsapp will do that. I would turn on my data connection and see over 100 messages. Curious excitement would brighten my face. Who loves me? I would scream out loud. Until I would see messages insisting I rebroadcast or face the wrath of Jesus. Then there were those that broke bad news in Nigeria. The most hilarious ones were the health tips which whistled don’t eat this or that. If I wasn’t a well researched #fitfam I would be a starving pancreatic cancer patient.

I downloaded whatsapp again because I missed connecting with loved ones and friends. One of the things I missed about the old application was my mum’s morning prayers and jokes. It is annoying when we see spam broadcast messages from our mothers. These messages don’t matter. What matters is that their love and care curate helpful information from around the cold internet to warm our phones. Don’t wait till you are depressed before you appreciate their prayers or concern for your well being. Believe it or not a real mother of whatsapp isn’t using whatsapp because of you. They have friends, business associates and family to communicate with. They are rational individuals who would respect your expressed wishes. Except that mother runs on the Hardcore Package. In a world of detached care and onlookers a real mother of whatsapp would call you to find out why you haven’t read her messages.

Would you say your mother is a Real Mother of Whatsapp? Comment below to let me know.

Image source: Whatsapp