this 2k18 Valentine..

I was supposed to post my review of the female condom but I can’t, simply because I haven’t used the pair I purchased. This 2k18 Valentine I’m a polyamorous partner of some thoughtful, ambitious, virile, chocolately men. Holidays are always exciting as a polyamorous female in Lagos.  For a long time I have been unconcerned about Valentine. Do I like the holiday? Yes, but not all the false love it veils. Will I celebrate it with loved ones who love the holiday? I usually do. The commercial month of love is a month to celebrate family birthdays.

This 2k18 Valentine day has other important events occurring like Ash Wednesday and two Champions League matches.  A male friend’s admission that he isn’t having Valentine dinner because of the matches made me laugh.  During this commercial month of love I choose to stay safe and protected from STIs and unwanted pregnancies. You should stay safe also. Amidst the Valentine sales, promos, late night radio love programmes, sharing gift ideas, etc is I enjoying it all.

I usually buy myself a “Val gift”. For this year I got a set of thongs. I love lingerie. Choosing them, wearing them, seducing others in them, and posing for sultry pictures in them. I love LOVE lingerie!  I remember burying my little nose into the ash, grey and white thong set. The crisp scent of clean cotton caressed my face. I can’t wait for someone else’s nose to rub the cotton against my erect clit.

this 2k18 Valentine checklist

  • Schedule dates or indoor dinners with partners during Valentine week. Avoid clashes with Champions League matches, their work schedules, my schedule, family birthday and partners’ interests.
  • Get my Val gift, thoughtful gifts for partners and loved ones.
  • Call loved ones and colleagues to express my love and gratitude.
  • Discuss if we’ll have sex or not, type of sex to be had and set boundaries. Will it be oral, anal or penetrative sex or a mixture? Last year I just ate chocolates and cuddled.
  • Update our sultry sex playlist. It’s so much fun curating songs that we want to listen to together. Sound and smell are my two preferred senses.
  • Start my dick appointment prep: eat pineapple, do more kegel, include core strengthening exercises to my daily work-out, wash my hair, exfoliate my skin, etc.
  • Stay mentally healthy to avoid being impulsive with sexual decisions. This includes being self compassionate, staying positive, being grateful and content, resting well, eating healthy and exercising. Exercising helps me get happy and maintain my voluptuous curves. These prevent me from slipping into a bout of depression during or after the Valentine week.


I won’t let toxic monogamous standards rob me of the exciting beauty of polyamory this Val. Happy Valentine to you! Don’t forget to stay sex positive.



Anal Sex, beginner tips

From my experiences these are some tips for a pleasurable experience.

Anal sex and Adventure are synonymous. Being curious, adventurous and positive makes your first few times fun. I didn’t succumb to pressure from past sexual partners to “try anal” when I wasn’t ready. I did consider it after a partner suggested it.

Don’t be rushed into any sexual act.

You have to talk about your interest and decision to have anal sex, set boundaries. I won’t have anal sex hours long and we stop if the penetrative pain is excruciating. Let your partner know it’s not gay or unnatural to have anal sex. They should drop their internalized homophobia as should you.

So you want to try anal..

It’s important to give your consent and get your partner’s consent before and during the act. Consent is defined under Section 264, subsection 1 of Criminal Law of Lagos State as a person consents if he/she agrees by choice and has the freedom and capacity to make and communicate that choice”. Contravening this implies sexual assault, defilement or rape, which are criminal offences, have occurred.

Safety Next

As my Stepdad will say, “there is no shame in being sexually active. Just be safe.” Next I see approved STI, STD and HIV/AIDs test results and share mine. Use male condoms while having sex.  DO NOT INSERT a used anal condom into the vagina. Bacteria from the anus can travel up the urinary tract and cause Urinary Tract Infection (U.T.I). U.T.I can be an expensive, painful or uncomfortable infection to treat.

Get Clean

Apart from my dick appointment prep routine (from exfoliation to kegel to eating pineapples). Get clean bedding you’ll use after sex. I make sure I bath, my partner baths before and after sex. Having tissue paper, hand sanitizer, air freshener and antiseptic soaps help stop the spread of bacteria.

Foreplay and Oral sex Preludes

Don’t skip erotic foreplay. All the kissing, nipping, licking, sucking, fondling, etc are necessary. Foreplay is relaxing and pleasurable. Oral sex is a *lustful sigh wonderful prelude to anal sex. There is nothing like toe curling, orgasmic cunnilingus or fellatio. A pleasurable rimjob adds a lot of difference to the experience!

‘He gotta eat the booty like groceries’- Jhene Aiko.

Lubrication and Positions

Lubrication is a helpful necessity. As penetration will be initially painful. I prefer natural oils to lubes for anal sex. Coconut oil and Olive oil are two of the best natural oils to use.  I prefer coconut oil because it has more slip. Plus it makes the room smell like a decadent fruit dessert when it mixes with the peach, mango, tangerine-citrus scented room. Maybe I should review my favorite lubes. Maybe? Two common positions are lying down flat on the face or crouching on all fours. The latter position makes penetration easier. Just like my beloved doggy. The former position is more relaxing while the latter is playful. My favorite position is standing but slighty leaning forward on my hands. preferably in front of my large vanity table mirror. I like to watch. The sight of my breasts bound in exquisite black lace, orgasms changing my facial expressions, shimmering fingers on my wide hips are so intoxicating.

Weird things (no one warned me about)

  • that the anal orgasm is weird. It can expel the penetrative organ (fingers or penis) or sex toy after a contraction. I find it as stimulating and profound as a clitoral or vaginal orgasm.
  • the anus has its own oily fluid that feels like it’s still seeping long after sex.
  • the anus has an intoxicating pungent smell that isn’t the same as the smell of faeces.
  • because there are less nerve endings in the anus compared to the vagina. Thrusting and the penetrative organ or sex toy are felt less vividly.
  • that initially penetration will feel like defecation. Weirdest feeling! But it’s a result of the brain associating expansion with that of defecation. Not to worry you aren’t pooping, I murmur.

**Naija Factor**

In this era of Yahoo plus millionaires and fetish peeps pray before you have anal sex with anyone. You should use your gifts and blessings not others. Be intuitive and prayerful!

Choosing Elective Courses to Achieve Career Goals as an Undergraduate

In this new segment, On My Career Path on Equity In Motion. I journal career resource articles for students to make the best of their educational careers while starting off on their career path.

Choosing Elective Courses to achieve Career goals as an undergraduate is the first article just in time for the new session.